Travel Update

9/14-9/21: San Francisco

9/21-9/23: Seattle

9/23-9/25: Houston

9/25-9/28: DC

9/30-10/3: Los Angeles

10/3-10/6: Houston

10/6-10/8: Atlanta

10/8-10/9: San Francisco

10/9-10/12: Houston

10/12-10/25: London

10/25-11/1: ITALY

11/1-11/2: London

11/2-11/6: Houston

11/6-11/14 (est): China

I'm back, if only briefly

I was thinking, as I often do, of when my man is finally going to freaking show up, and I started laughing at how awesome he's going to have to be to get (a) the approval of my posse and (b) get along with my posse's husbands.  I'm going to be one lucky bitch.

Layoffs today at work.  I survived, barely, and in changed circumstances if I accept them.  I'm drinking bourbon and watching The Princess Bride.  Love it.

I promise I'm coming back more regularly when things settle down a bit, probably later this week.

Update to the Travel Update

A few minor changes:

October 13-17: Chicago
October 20: New Orleans
October 24-31: London
November 3-6: LA
November 11-12: NYC
November 12-14: DC
November 17-18: NYC
November 24-28: Europe, maybe
December 2-3: NYC
December 4-6: LA
December 9-10: Phoenix

And in case you're wondering why the flurry of blog entries -- I can't access the VPN or the company's webmail. I think that the IT group accidentally changed my password.

"Where?" Update

Ok, on the heels of the previous post, here's my travel schedule:

August 4-5: NYC (work)
August 7-19: Australia (work)
August 19-22: DC (work)
August 23-31: ITALY (NOT WORK!!!)
September 2-5: NEW ORLEANS (NOT WORK! Well, I'll have to do some work, but I'm not traveling for work, if that makes sense.)
September 7-9: Dallas (work)
September 9-12: Silicon Valley (work)
September 16-19: NYC (work, but I'm also going to Yankee Stadium one evening)
September 23-24: NYC (work)
September 29-October 4: San Francisco (work)

I am insane for scheduling that trip to Italy.

Fairy Godmother

I'm lucky to have a lot of really great friends. It's arguable as to whether it's right or nice for me to drop friends the way I do when I stop having respect for them or when I have the realization that I don't enjoy spending time with them at all, but what it means is that the friends I do have are all amazing.

Yesterday, one of those friends showed me just how amazing she is. Tuesday was a horrible day at the office, mostly because it wasn't supposed to be a day at the office. I'll go into more detail in another entry about what happened from my perspective (because as usual at the office, my perspective doesn't matter), but it's enough to know that I spent a good two hours of the day crying.

On Wednesday morning, Shana sent me an e-mail message that she had a present for me. That's Shana all over -- even though she's had a horrible year, not just a horrible day, and she needs to take a break more than any other person I know, she got me a present to make me feel better.

Only it wasn't a present. It was a MILLION presents. I walked into her office and found a huge, yellow gift bag (the size of a Nordstrom shopping bag) with an 8.5X11 label that said "The 'Because I Can't Stand to See Catherine This Unhappy' Present'" (paraphrasing) FILLED with individually wrapped gifts, all with funny notes on them (again, paraphrased so you at least get an idea of how awesome this bag was).

I'm going to try to list them, but I know I'll forget some because there was SO MUCH (I had to leave the bag at the office because there was TOO MUCH STUFF to fit in my suitcase!!): a package of plastic paratroopers ("for when you feel like throwing something"), a pack of kiwi-watermelon gum, Tootsie Rolls, animal crackers ("it's a snack AND a purse -- what could be better?"), Kashi cookies, a fuzzy poster, a Bratz paper doll book, lip gloss, a yellow bracelet (which I wore home), star-shaped Post-It notes, multi-colored pens ("because you are also colorful and bold!"), a self-inking stamp that says "Terrific!", stickers that say "A+" and "Great Job!", a huge, smelly candle, bubble bath, and a tiny, stuffed rabbit. I know there's more (I'm surprised the bag was strong enough to hold everything), and when I'm back in the office and can do an in-person inventory, I will.

That gift bag might have been the nicest thing that anyone has ever done for me. Just knowing that Shana got me a present was enough to lift my spirits yesterday, but seeing the thought and effort that she put into it got me peacefully and affably through a dress rehearsal where I actually wanted to set people on fire many times.

I have a fairy godmother, and her name is Shana.

Random, Barely Related Hodgepodge

Sorry it's been so long!!! I worked every single day during my 3-week stint in DC. So, so, so painful, but it paid off -- my meeting in Chicago scored a 3.91 out of 4, and everyone is happy.

I'm kind of irritated that my boss's boss still needs some sort of reassurance that I'm relatively good at my job. She forwarded me an e-mail that he forwarded to her and the head of the other team that I work with that contained the 3.91 and some personal scores. She was congratulating me, but I haven't trusted her for a long time. Back in August, she told me that there was no point in trying to take control of my career, and that not being anyone's priority is just a fact of corporate life. And that's fine, except that the company I work for has done research that shows that the high performing employees are the ones who should be getting the most attention and development both in terms of performance and career. I may be difficult to work with, I may have really high standards that are tough for the people around me to accept, and I may question your competency to do your job sometimes, but you know what? I'm definitely a high performing employee. This woman is a mediocre manager who absolutely does not tolerate anyone disagreeing with her. She's the reason people like C will always have jobs. C makes her look good in comparison.

My meeting earlier this week was in Chicago, and I got to eat at one of my favorite places. It's called FoodLife, and it's in the Water Tower mall. It's basically a food court, but the food is extremely fresh and totally delicious. AND you can buy 99-cent bags of Bit O'Honey by the cashier. It seriously just doesn't get any better than that!!

Anyone who tells you that Chicago isn't hot is full of it. We had four people plus a driver crammed into a Chicago taxi, and the A/C was on, but was not reaching us in the back seat. We all roasted for an hour. I'd forgotten what it's like to be so hot that even being in air-conditioning for several hours doesn't cool you down. I had the option to come home 2 hours earlier, but only if I flew in a middle seat. I was too hot to fly in a middle seat. I normally freeze on planes, but on my flight from Chicago, I had the air blasting on me and only turned it down about an hour into the flight. And I didn't put my sweater on at all.

It's so nice to be home, but I don't understand how my apartment can get so messy so quickly. I'm just one person. Where did all of this STUFF come from??? And why do I not have any place to put it all in this enormous apartment??? More evidence that I'm not a responsible adult and probably won't be one for a while.

I tried a new drink today that was horribly disappointing: Vitamin Water Energy. I like Vitamin Water, although it's a little too sweet (and yes, I understand that the different formulations are just clever marketing), and I like caffeine (can't live without it, really), so I thought that Vitamin Water Energy would be magical. First of all, it's fizzy. Now, that's ok, because I like sparkling water, but plain old Vitamin Water isn't fizzy, so that was unexpected. And then I tasted it, and it was bad. I took two sips and dumped the rest in the sink. I don't know where they get off pretending that thing is healthy. It's like a fully-sugared soda that's had a Flintstones vitamin dissolved in it. Luckily, the can I had was free.

DirecTV is doing a special promotion this weekend where ALL of the premium movie channels are free. I went through all of them and only found 4 things to Tivo. FOUR. You'd think that some effort would be made to bring the A-game during a weekend when they're trying to hook new customers. Apparently not.

I'm going to take this whole weekend off -- luxury!! I'm going to see Sex and the City on Saturday and the Astros vs. the Yankees on Sunday. And hopefully I'm going to get my stupid apartment cleaned up. Maybe this week I'll actually cook myself some real dinner!! My friend Lindy cooks most nights, and she and her husband both work, and they have an 18-month-old son. I invited myself over to their house for dinner earlier this week (I was getting my hair cut and nails painted in her neighborhood), and she had dinner on the table in no time flat, and it was delicious and nutritious. On the one hand, I felt completely incompetent, but on the other hand, it was inspirational. I'm a little scared that I've forgotten how to cook.

That's it for now. Enough randomness. Here's the travel update through the end of August:

June 23-26: DC
July 2-5: Chicago (more on this in a later entry)
July 8-11: DC
July 21-25: DC
August 4-5: NYC
August 7-18: Australia (that's right -- Australia)
August 18-21: DC

Peace out, dudes.

Shocked

I just found out tonight that in addition to being a lazy credit-stealer, C may also be a liar. She got heaped with credit and praise from our shared manager and another senior manager in the department for something she allegedly wrote; it turns out that she only edited the work that someone else had already done. I used to be angry and bitter, but now I'm angry, bitter, and disgusted. I know it's wrong, but I want to see her fall.

Travel Update

Wow -- sorry about that. I forgot that I hadn't posted where I'm supposed to be in a while.

May 18-June 6: DC (yes, including weekends. I'm trying to be zen about it.)
June 11-June 12: Chicago

I have to be back in DC for part of June, but I'm not sure yet when.

The company gave me a "new" laptop. "New" is in quotation marks, because the laptop belonged to someone else at the company who recently resigned and turned in his laptop. The reason they did that instead of sending me a new (no quotation marks) laptop is because they don't have any. One of my colleagues has been using a loaner laptop for 2 months. Please explain to me how difficult it is to call Dell's 800 number and order 100 laptops. What is the firm doing with all the cash they're sitting on???

The "new" laptop works great, except for the part where I don't have administrator access, so I can't install new hardware or software. And before you start casting aspersions on my character and make any allegations about the types of things the company suspects of me of wanting to download, this means that I can't add my printer. For some reason, clicking certain links doesn't do anything, either, and again, before you get all suspicious, I had to do some research for work on Fidelity.com, and I couldn't get most of the links to work. REALLY ANNOYING. But at least I have a work computer again, which I guess is the main thing, and the IT guy said he'd give me administrator access this week.

My car is finally working and back in my possession again, just in time for me to go out of town for 3 weeks. AND the dealership had to cover it under warranty because it's totally a drive train issue. It was comical how unhappy they were about it. What's also fabulous is that, in the process of looking for screen protectors for my new phone (yes, I got a new phone -- I couldn't handle that little flip phone any longer), I FOUND THE PAPERWORK FOR MY EXTENDED WARRANTY. According to that paperwork, none of the work I've had done this year should have been paid for out of my bank account. Not sure how or where to start the fight to get my money back, but I'm definitely going to try.

I'm in corporate housing while in DC, and it doesn't suck. It would be a lot better if the carpet weren't so old, but it's clean and has the essentials, including, regrettably, noisy neighbors. I'm not sure about the kitchen, not because it isn't clean, but because it's weird cooking in a foreign kitchen. It probably doesn't matter because I don't think that I'll have a lot of time for actual cooking. I also don't know if it's worth it when I'm going to have to buy dishwashing detergent. I really hope I remember to buy toilet paper.

I also need to go buy some dress pants and a couple of sweater sets. I stupidly did not pack enough "smart business casual" clothing. I don't know what I was thinking. I can't believe I'm this unexcited at the prospect of shopping.

I love Boston

I'm not sure why I love Boston so much, but I do. It helps that the times that I've been here, the weather has been spectacular, and I've never been here in the winter. It feels a little like Chicago in terms of neighborhoodiness, but the people here have a little more edge. I like it enough that I would even consider moving here if the right job presented itself.

I had coffee with a former colleague yesterday, and I don't know why, but I'm still surprised to find out from people who leave the firm just how much Kool-Aid they were only pretending to drink. It seems that there are many more gimlet- and clear-eyed people enmeshed throughout the company, who have all been beaten down for speaking truth to power. So we all stay quiet, which is a shame, because how awesome would it be for there to be a massive revolution? Alas, instead when you point out that the emperor has no clothes, you're told that you're not being a team player, or that you're being sharp-elbowed, or the worst, that you're not demonstrating leadership qualities. I love that last one, because I think (I hope, anyway) that at other publicly-traded companies, being open and honest and pointing out the pitfalls of a particular course of action is valued and rewarded. I guess it depends completely on who your manager is, and that's true everywhere. Until I figure out what I want to do next, I' m going to continue to pretend to drink the Kool-Aid, try not to point out when colleagues are incompetent and fail to add value, and keep my head down as much as possible.

Life Lesson

I just learned a new life lesson today. When people ask you for feedback, they're not actually interested in getting better at their jobs. When people ask you for feedback, what they really want is for you to tell them how fabulous they are.

This isn't an age thing -- I can't point to the 23-year-olds at work and say it's just them. It's across the entire age spectrum. I think it's wonderful to have good self esteem boosted by parents who have told you how special and talented you are. It sets you up with the expectation that you can take on the world, and everybody should have that foundation of confidence. But I think the Wall Street Journal is right when it surmises that the complete lack of balanced feedback from parents ("my Junior is perfect and can do no wrong") has begotten a culture of narcissism and entitlement.

I can't tell you how many times I've been asked to give feedback to someone at work, been honest, and then had that person go behind my back to complain that I was mean. These are the same people whining that they're not being promoted fast enough, despite the fact that they are clearly not demonstrating the necessary skills.

So I'm not going to give feedback anymore. It's impossible to tell who truly wants it, and who just wants me to blow sunshine up their rear ends. Have you met me??? I DON'T BLOW SUNSHINE. And the people who refuse to put their big girl panties on and get on with it can stay in their entry-level jobs, forever seething that the man is keeping them down, when in reality, they're keeping themselves down.