Working Mothers

I've been pretty angry and bitter for a long time now about a working mother at my office (I'll call her C), and I've started several posts about it, but I haven't been able to express what it is about me that bothers me so much. Part of it is that she gets equal reward (in some instances, more reward) than I and other colleagues do for doing much, much less work. She is widely known to be difficult to work with from both the product creation team and the commercial team. And those of us who do my job recognize a fundamental lack of evolution in the way that she approaches her job, meaning that she's doing the job the exact same way that she did 5 years ago when she first started.

But I don't think that's the main thing, because I'm a realist. Sometimes I'm more optimistic than your average realist, but I'm pretty gimlet-eyed. I completely understand that life is not fair, and it's not a meritocracy.

I just got some news from another colleague, this one senior to me, that has cast some light on what's going on in Catherineland. This woman, I'll call her MD, took a chance on me and offered me a way out from having to do my job and compensate for the shortcomings of C. MD has a four-year-old and a two-year-old, and at the beginning of this year went part-time so she could spend more time with her sons. She just broke the news to the team that she's going to be leaving the company and taking a leave of absence starting July 1.

MD said that the time that she's gotten to spend with them has been wonderful, and she wants more. In addition, all the reading that she's done tells her that this is a key developmental time for her kids, and she wants to do the best thing by them. When she went to her boss to give notice, to his credit, he suggested a leave of absence and doing an occasional project as time permits.

And here's what came to me in a flash about all of this: as a woman, you can't have it all, unless you are willing to half-ass your job or half-ass the time you spend with your kids. You really can't. The woman from the first paragraph works from her home, like I do. She has a full-time nanny, but I know for a fact that she spends a LOT of time playing with her children during the work day. Even with the most ideal arrangement you could imagine, she's still mediocre at best at her job, and I'm giving her the benefit of the doubt that it's a will issue and not a skill issue.

MD had a less ideal arrangement, but still a decent one, and she reached the conclusion that she couldn't do justice to her work obligations without shortchanging her children. And so she's taking a leave of absence.

I guess the company should be commended for giving a handout to C in recognition of the tough situation she's in, but I don't see it that way. She's been promoted because people like her, not because she provides any sort of leadership or any level of expected productivity.

MD's announcement made me sad today because what it means to me is that at some point, I'm going to have to make a choice between being a good mother and being a person who has a career. I'm not good at doing things half-ass (except for exercising). And I'm a little worried I'll make the wrong choice.

Coming soon: how all of this combines with the Spitzer scandal to make me think being a spinster is my best option.