[CC has joined a gym so she can relearn how to swim. Mom has arranged for her to pay annual dues in one lump sum, but the membership won't be processed for a few days, so the rep on the phone recommended going to the website and printing a 7-day free pass that the gym offers to suck new people in.]
Mom: Here's a lock, and here's the combination.
CC: Thanks, Mom.
Mom: Also, here's a towel. Your swimsuit will be wet after you're finished, so wrap it up in the towel.
CC: Ok, Mom.
Mom: Also, here's a plastic bag -- you can put your towel and suit in it.
CC: Ok.
Mom: Here are some travel-sized toiletries for your shower.
CC: Ok.
Mom: Don't forget to tell the person at the front desk that you already have a membership, or they'll make you take a tour of the gym, and you'll be late for your lesson.
CC: Ok.
Mom: Write down this information: this is the name of the person I talked to, and this is her rep number.
CC: Ok.
Mom: Here's the phone number they can call if they have any questions.
CC: Ok.
Mom: The instructor's name is Kathy, and she's really nice.
CC: Ok.
Mom: Don't forget to tell them that you already have a membership, it just hasn't completed being processed.
CC: Yes, I know -- I'm on it. I have all the information written down. Bye!
[CC arrives at gym.]
CC: Hi! I have a 7-day pass, but --
Dude at front desk: Yeah, your mom called a few minutes ago. Go on back.
Showing posts with label short play. Show all posts
Showing posts with label short play. Show all posts
Monday, June 14, 2010
A Short Play About Why It Seems Like I'm Hard on Myself
CC: The swimming teacher said you're doing really well.
Mom: That's typically American -- you do one tiny thing right, and they heap on the praise. That's not the Asian way. We tell the truth.
Mom: That's typically American -- you do one tiny thing right, and they heap on the praise. That's not the Asian way. We tell the truth.
Thursday, June 10, 2010
A Short Play About Korean Sayings
[CC and Mom are in CC's office, trying to coordinate travel to LA for a family thing. CC has booked her aunt's and Mom's tickets with Mom looking over her shoulder the whole time and is in the process of booking her own travel. Mom's dialogue is translated from Korean.]
CC: OH, CRAP.
Mom: What's the matter?
CC: I think I might have booked Auntie's ticket as Hyun Bin Choe instead of Hyun Bin Song.
Mom: Can you go back and check?
CC: I don't have the confirmation number -- all of that stuff was e-mailed to you. Can you go check your e-mail?
Mom, after a couple of minutes: No e-mails yet. We can check tomorrow.
CC: CRAP CRAP CRAP CRAP CRAP.
Mom: It's ok. Even monkeys fall out of trees every now and then.
CC: OH, CRAP.
Mom: What's the matter?
CC: I think I might have booked Auntie's ticket as Hyun Bin Choe instead of Hyun Bin Song.
Mom: Can you go back and check?
CC: I don't have the confirmation number -- all of that stuff was e-mailed to you. Can you go check your e-mail?
Mom, after a couple of minutes: No e-mails yet. We can check tomorrow.
CC: CRAP CRAP CRAP CRAP CRAP.
Mom: It's ok. Even monkeys fall out of trees every now and then.
A Short Play About the Buckshot
[CC and Kevin walk into the Buckshot.]
CC, breathing in: It smells like every dive bar I went to in college -- fried food and old beer.
Kevin: It smells like beer and ass. Awesome!
CC, breathing in: It smells like every dive bar I went to in college -- fried food and old beer.
Kevin: It smells like beer and ass. Awesome!
Friday, May 21, 2010
A Short Play About the Language of Underwear
[CC & Mom have returned to the hotel room from dinner in San Jose, CA.]
Mom: People who like cold weather must love it here.
CC: Yeah. A lot of people love it here.
Mom: Even though it's cold outside, people are wearing thongs.
CC: Mom, these days, thongs refer to underwear. I think you probably want to say flip-flops.
Mom: Flip-flops?
CC: Flip-flops.
Mom: That's a made up American word!
CC: Yes, it is, but it will get you into less trouble
Mom: So thongs are t-strings.
CC, cracking up: G-strings.
Mom: But they look like a T! Why do they call them g-strings?
CC, almost unintelligible because of the laughter: I don't know. But they're different from thongs.
Mom: How are they different?
CC: G-strings have a skinny piece of cloth, like a string. Thongs have a little more material.
Mom: Ohhhh. Ok. Flip-flops, thongs, and g-strings.
CC: Yes.
Mom: I've seen people wear the thongs at the gym to make sure their butts look good. I can understand that.
Mom: People who like cold weather must love it here.
CC: Yeah. A lot of people love it here.
Mom: Even though it's cold outside, people are wearing thongs.
CC: Mom, these days, thongs refer to underwear. I think you probably want to say flip-flops.
Mom: Flip-flops?
CC: Flip-flops.
Mom: That's a made up American word!
CC: Yes, it is, but it will get you into less trouble
Mom: So thongs are t-strings.
CC, cracking up: G-strings.
Mom: But they look like a T! Why do they call them g-strings?
CC, almost unintelligible because of the laughter: I don't know. But they're different from thongs.
Mom: How are they different?
CC: G-strings have a skinny piece of cloth, like a string. Thongs have a little more material.
Mom: Ohhhh. Ok. Flip-flops, thongs, and g-strings.
CC: Yes.
Mom: I've seen people wear the thongs at the gym to make sure their butts look good. I can understand that.
Thursday, May 20, 2010
A Short Play About Mary, Beth, and Joseph (or Maybe Marybeth and Joseph)
[CC & Judith are catching up on the phone.]
JW: Hey, I read the CLC HBR article.
CC: The one on hipos and hipers?
JW: Yeah!
CC: The whole thing?
JW: Yes, the whole thing.
CC: How?
JW: Well, I don't have a subscription because it's too expensive, but you can go on the San Francisco library site and read the entire issue there.
CC: Does HBR know about this?
JW: Well, yeah, they must. The library has a license. And you have to enter your library card number.
CC: Ohhh... that makes way more sense.
JW: They don't let just any Mary, Beth, and Joseph read what they want.
CC: ...
JW: ...
CC: Do you mean Tom, Dick, and Harry? Who the f* are Mary, Beth, and Joseph?
JW: Yeah, I don't know where they came from.
JW: Hey, I read the CLC HBR article.
CC: The one on hipos and hipers?
JW: Yeah!
CC: The whole thing?
JW: Yes, the whole thing.
CC: How?
JW: Well, I don't have a subscription because it's too expensive, but you can go on the San Francisco library site and read the entire issue there.
CC: Does HBR know about this?
JW: Well, yeah, they must. The library has a license. And you have to enter your library card number.
CC: Ohhh... that makes way more sense.
JW: They don't let just any Mary, Beth, and Joseph read what they want.
CC: ...
JW: ...
CC: Do you mean Tom, Dick, and Harry? Who the f* are Mary, Beth, and Joseph?
JW: Yeah, I don't know where they came from.
Tuesday, March 23, 2010
A Short Play About One Taxi Driver's Theory About Why I'm Not Married
[Scene: Red Top taxicab in Northern Virginia. There's a story on the radio about the return of Tiger Woods to golf. The taxi driver maintains that Tiger made a "mistake." CC maintains that having sex with multiple, dirty women is not a mistake and that Tiger should have stayed single if he wanted to screw all the cocktail waitresses on the PGA tour.]
Taxi driver: You're not a forgiving person.
CC: I am a forgiving person.
Taxi driver: But you wouldn't forgive Tiger's one mistake.
CC: I would forgive shrinking my clothes in the dryer. THAT's a mistake. What Tiger did is not "one mistake."
Taxi driver: Are you married?
CC: No.
Taxi driver: That's why.
CC: I'm ok with that.
Taxi driver: You're not a forgiving person.
CC: I am a forgiving person.
Taxi driver: But you wouldn't forgive Tiger's one mistake.
CC: I would forgive shrinking my clothes in the dryer. THAT's a mistake. What Tiger did is not "one mistake."
Taxi driver: Are you married?
CC: No.
Taxi driver: That's why.
CC: I'm ok with that.
Another Short Play About Being 7
Scene: Dining table, Choe household, 10pm. CC is eating a late dinner because all the spring breakers were clogging up the restaurants at IAH.
Mom: It's really good when you put a little of this, a little of that, a piece of this, and a slice of that all in one spoonful.
CC: Ok.
Mom, anxious for CC to try the ideal bite, decides that CC is moving too slowly with a piece of this and a slice of that, and puts them on CC's spoon for her. CC starts cracking up so hard she almost blows food out her nose.
Mom, starting also to laugh: I can't help it! You're my kid! You'll always be 7 to me!
CC, barely able to breathe: I've been writing notes about the things that you and Dad say to me and putting them on Facebook. My friends think you're really cute.
Mom: Like what?
CC: Like the thing about buying me strawberries and you not being able to get up at 4:15, and will I be able to wake up and get breakfast by myself.
Dad, very sincerely: Cat. Breakfast is the most important meal of the day.
Mom: It's really good when you put a little of this, a little of that, a piece of this, and a slice of that all in one spoonful.
CC: Ok.
Mom, anxious for CC to try the ideal bite, decides that CC is moving too slowly with a piece of this and a slice of that, and puts them on CC's spoon for her. CC starts cracking up so hard she almost blows food out her nose.
Mom, starting also to laugh: I can't help it! You're my kid! You'll always be 7 to me!
CC, barely able to breathe: I've been writing notes about the things that you and Dad say to me and putting them on Facebook. My friends think you're really cute.
Mom: Like what?
CC: Like the thing about buying me strawberries and you not being able to get up at 4:15, and will I be able to wake up and get breakfast by myself.
Dad, very sincerely: Cat. Breakfast is the most important meal of the day.
Two Short Plays Featuring My Mom
Mom (after she and Dad have come back from a birthday party): We felt bad about leaving you at home by yourself, so we went to the store and bought you some strawberries.
------------
Mom: What time is your flight?
CC: 6:30.
Mom: IN THE MORNING?
CC: Yes.
Mom: What time are you going to leave?
CC: 5 or 5:15.
Mom: What time are you going to wake up??
CC: 4 or 4:15.
Mom: Cat, I can't wake up that early. Will you be ok? Can you get up by yourself and eat breakfast?
------------
Mom: What time is your flight?
CC: 6:30.
Mom: IN THE MORNING?
CC: Yes.
Mom: What time are you going to leave?
CC: 5 or 5:15.
Mom: What time are you going to wake up??
CC: 4 or 4:15.
Mom: Cat, I can't wake up that early. Will you be ok? Can you get up by yourself and eat breakfast?
A Short Play About Being 7
Mom: How old are you again?
CC: ...
Mom: 37, right? That makes you about 7 to me.
[Later on, after CC has made a cappuccino for Mom and a long espresso for Dad, CC is making hot chocolate for herself.]
Mom: What are you having?
CC: Hot chocolate.
Mom: Isn't that sugary?
CC: Yes... so?
Mom: Well, I guess that's ok. It's suits someone who's 7.
[Even later in the evening, as CC is trying to explain the jacked up menus of the updated Microsoft Office to Mom.]
CC, muttering under her breath: No 7-year-old could teach you this.
Mom: Are you kidding? These days, 3-year-olds can do this.
CC: ...
Mom: 37, right? That makes you about 7 to me.
[Later on, after CC has made a cappuccino for Mom and a long espresso for Dad, CC is making hot chocolate for herself.]
Mom: What are you having?
CC: Hot chocolate.
Mom: Isn't that sugary?
CC: Yes... so?
Mom: Well, I guess that's ok. It's suits someone who's 7.
[Even later in the evening, as CC is trying to explain the jacked up menus of the updated Microsoft Office to Mom.]
CC, muttering under her breath: No 7-year-old could teach you this.
Mom: Are you kidding? These days, 3-year-olds can do this.
A Short Play About Why My Parents Watched Olympic Figure Skating
CC: What are you watching?
Dad: English soccer highlights.
CC: ...
CC: Who's your favorite team?
Dad: Manchester United.
CC: ...
CC: Why is Manchester United your favorite team?
Dad [laughing]: Because that's the team that the Korean guy is on.
Dad: English soccer highlights.
CC: ...
CC: Who's your favorite team?
Dad: Manchester United.
CC: ...
CC: Why is Manchester United your favorite team?
Dad [laughing]: Because that's the team that the Korean guy is on.
A Short Play About Living at Home *
Mom: CAT! CAT! ARE YOU READY TO GO? ARE YOU PACKED AND DRESSED? DID YOU PACK YOUR SISTER'S M&MS?
CC: M-
Mom: OH, YOU'RE UP AND DRESSED! ARE YOU GOING TO LEAVE WITHOUT EATING BREAKFAST?
CC: I'm making some coff--
Mom: IS THAT WHAT YOU'RE WEARING ON THE PLANE? DON'T YOU KNOW HOW COLD IT WILL BE IN CHICAGO AND NEW YORK? NEW YORK AND CHICAGO ARE VERY COLD! MAYBE YOU SHOULD PACK A SWEATER!
CC: I have a fleece and a cashmere sc--
Mom: I FRIED TWO EGGS FOR YOU. IS THAT YOUR SUITCASE? IT'S SO SMALL! DO YOU HAVE ROOM FOR ANOTHER SWEATER? HOW COME YOUR SUITCASE IS SO SMALL?
CC: I--
Mom: WHY AREN'T YOU WEARING A COAT? DO YOU NEED GLOVES? DO YOU HAVE YOUR AIRPLANE TICKET?
CC: My coat's right there. I'm insi--
Mom: IS THAT COAT GOING TO BE WARM ENOUGH? LET ME TRY IT ON.
CC: ...
Mom: OH, IT'S VERY WARM. GOOD! WHERE DID YOU BUY THIS COAT? DID YOU PACK SOCKS? YOU'RE NOT WEARING JEANS TO YOUR MEETING, RIGHT? DID YOU PACK OTHER CLOTHES FOR YOUR MEETING.
CC: ...
Dad: I put the bags in the car.
Mom, as CC is driving away: DO YOU HAVE MONEY FOR THE TAXI IN NEW YORK?
* I stole the idea for short plays from Tara Ariano, a totally awesome blogger whom you should Google. You can also see her work at www.sling.com/blog.
CC: M-
Mom: OH, YOU'RE UP AND DRESSED! ARE YOU GOING TO LEAVE WITHOUT EATING BREAKFAST?
CC: I'm making some coff--
Mom: IS THAT WHAT YOU'RE WEARING ON THE PLANE? DON'T YOU KNOW HOW COLD IT WILL BE IN CHICAGO AND NEW YORK? NEW YORK AND CHICAGO ARE VERY COLD! MAYBE YOU SHOULD PACK A SWEATER!
CC: I have a fleece and a cashmere sc--
Mom: I FRIED TWO EGGS FOR YOU. IS THAT YOUR SUITCASE? IT'S SO SMALL! DO YOU HAVE ROOM FOR ANOTHER SWEATER? HOW COME YOUR SUITCASE IS SO SMALL?
CC: I--
Mom: WHY AREN'T YOU WEARING A COAT? DO YOU NEED GLOVES? DO YOU HAVE YOUR AIRPLANE TICKET?
CC: My coat's right there. I'm insi--
Mom: IS THAT COAT GOING TO BE WARM ENOUGH? LET ME TRY IT ON.
CC: ...
Mom: OH, IT'S VERY WARM. GOOD! WHERE DID YOU BUY THIS COAT? DID YOU PACK SOCKS? YOU'RE NOT WEARING JEANS TO YOUR MEETING, RIGHT? DID YOU PACK OTHER CLOTHES FOR YOUR MEETING.
CC: ...
Dad: I put the bags in the car.
Mom, as CC is driving away: DO YOU HAVE MONEY FOR THE TAXI IN NEW YORK?
* I stole the idea for short plays from Tara Ariano, a totally awesome blogger whom you should Google. You can also see her work at www.sling.com/blog.
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