[Scene: Red Top taxicab in Northern Virginia. There's a story on the radio about the return of Tiger Woods to golf. The taxi driver maintains that Tiger made a "mistake." CC maintains that having sex with multiple, dirty women is not a mistake and that Tiger should have stayed single if he wanted to screw all the cocktail waitresses on the PGA tour.]
Taxi driver: You're not a forgiving person.
CC: I am a forgiving person.
Taxi driver: But you wouldn't forgive Tiger's one mistake.
CC: I would forgive shrinking my clothes in the dryer. THAT's a mistake. What Tiger did is not "one mistake."
Taxi driver: Are you married?
CC: No.
Taxi driver: That's why.
CC: I'm ok with that.
Tuesday, March 23, 2010
Another Short Play About Being 7
Scene: Dining table, Choe household, 10pm. CC is eating a late dinner because all the spring breakers were clogging up the restaurants at IAH.
Mom: It's really good when you put a little of this, a little of that, a piece of this, and a slice of that all in one spoonful.
CC: Ok.
Mom, anxious for CC to try the ideal bite, decides that CC is moving too slowly with a piece of this and a slice of that, and puts them on CC's spoon for her. CC starts cracking up so hard she almost blows food out her nose.
Mom, starting also to laugh: I can't help it! You're my kid! You'll always be 7 to me!
CC, barely able to breathe: I've been writing notes about the things that you and Dad say to me and putting them on Facebook. My friends think you're really cute.
Mom: Like what?
CC: Like the thing about buying me strawberries and you not being able to get up at 4:15, and will I be able to wake up and get breakfast by myself.
Dad, very sincerely: Cat. Breakfast is the most important meal of the day.
Mom: It's really good when you put a little of this, a little of that, a piece of this, and a slice of that all in one spoonful.
CC: Ok.
Mom, anxious for CC to try the ideal bite, decides that CC is moving too slowly with a piece of this and a slice of that, and puts them on CC's spoon for her. CC starts cracking up so hard she almost blows food out her nose.
Mom, starting also to laugh: I can't help it! You're my kid! You'll always be 7 to me!
CC, barely able to breathe: I've been writing notes about the things that you and Dad say to me and putting them on Facebook. My friends think you're really cute.
Mom: Like what?
CC: Like the thing about buying me strawberries and you not being able to get up at 4:15, and will I be able to wake up and get breakfast by myself.
Dad, very sincerely: Cat. Breakfast is the most important meal of the day.
Two Short Plays Featuring My Mom
Mom (after she and Dad have come back from a birthday party): We felt bad about leaving you at home by yourself, so we went to the store and bought you some strawberries.
------------
Mom: What time is your flight?
CC: 6:30.
Mom: IN THE MORNING?
CC: Yes.
Mom: What time are you going to leave?
CC: 5 or 5:15.
Mom: What time are you going to wake up??
CC: 4 or 4:15.
Mom: Cat, I can't wake up that early. Will you be ok? Can you get up by yourself and eat breakfast?
------------
Mom: What time is your flight?
CC: 6:30.
Mom: IN THE MORNING?
CC: Yes.
Mom: What time are you going to leave?
CC: 5 or 5:15.
Mom: What time are you going to wake up??
CC: 4 or 4:15.
Mom: Cat, I can't wake up that early. Will you be ok? Can you get up by yourself and eat breakfast?
A Short Play About Being 7
Mom: How old are you again?
CC: ...
Mom: 37, right? That makes you about 7 to me.
[Later on, after CC has made a cappuccino for Mom and a long espresso for Dad, CC is making hot chocolate for herself.]
Mom: What are you having?
CC: Hot chocolate.
Mom: Isn't that sugary?
CC: Yes... so?
Mom: Well, I guess that's ok. It's suits someone who's 7.
[Even later in the evening, as CC is trying to explain the jacked up menus of the updated Microsoft Office to Mom.]
CC, muttering under her breath: No 7-year-old could teach you this.
Mom: Are you kidding? These days, 3-year-olds can do this.
CC: ...
Mom: 37, right? That makes you about 7 to me.
[Later on, after CC has made a cappuccino for Mom and a long espresso for Dad, CC is making hot chocolate for herself.]
Mom: What are you having?
CC: Hot chocolate.
Mom: Isn't that sugary?
CC: Yes... so?
Mom: Well, I guess that's ok. It's suits someone who's 7.
[Even later in the evening, as CC is trying to explain the jacked up menus of the updated Microsoft Office to Mom.]
CC, muttering under her breath: No 7-year-old could teach you this.
Mom: Are you kidding? These days, 3-year-olds can do this.
A Short Play About Why My Parents Watched Olympic Figure Skating
CC: What are you watching?
Dad: English soccer highlights.
CC: ...
CC: Who's your favorite team?
Dad: Manchester United.
CC: ...
CC: Why is Manchester United your favorite team?
Dad [laughing]: Because that's the team that the Korean guy is on.
Dad: English soccer highlights.
CC: ...
CC: Who's your favorite team?
Dad: Manchester United.
CC: ...
CC: Why is Manchester United your favorite team?
Dad [laughing]: Because that's the team that the Korean guy is on.
A Short Play About Living at Home *
Mom: CAT! CAT! ARE YOU READY TO GO? ARE YOU PACKED AND DRESSED? DID YOU PACK YOUR SISTER'S M&MS?
CC: M-
Mom: OH, YOU'RE UP AND DRESSED! ARE YOU GOING TO LEAVE WITHOUT EATING BREAKFAST?
CC: I'm making some coff--
Mom: IS THAT WHAT YOU'RE WEARING ON THE PLANE? DON'T YOU KNOW HOW COLD IT WILL BE IN CHICAGO AND NEW YORK? NEW YORK AND CHICAGO ARE VERY COLD! MAYBE YOU SHOULD PACK A SWEATER!
CC: I have a fleece and a cashmere sc--
Mom: I FRIED TWO EGGS FOR YOU. IS THAT YOUR SUITCASE? IT'S SO SMALL! DO YOU HAVE ROOM FOR ANOTHER SWEATER? HOW COME YOUR SUITCASE IS SO SMALL?
CC: I--
Mom: WHY AREN'T YOU WEARING A COAT? DO YOU NEED GLOVES? DO YOU HAVE YOUR AIRPLANE TICKET?
CC: My coat's right there. I'm insi--
Mom: IS THAT COAT GOING TO BE WARM ENOUGH? LET ME TRY IT ON.
CC: ...
Mom: OH, IT'S VERY WARM. GOOD! WHERE DID YOU BUY THIS COAT? DID YOU PACK SOCKS? YOU'RE NOT WEARING JEANS TO YOUR MEETING, RIGHT? DID YOU PACK OTHER CLOTHES FOR YOUR MEETING.
CC: ...
Dad: I put the bags in the car.
Mom, as CC is driving away: DO YOU HAVE MONEY FOR THE TAXI IN NEW YORK?
* I stole the idea for short plays from Tara Ariano, a totally awesome blogger whom you should Google. You can also see her work at www.sling.com/blog.
CC: M-
Mom: OH, YOU'RE UP AND DRESSED! ARE YOU GOING TO LEAVE WITHOUT EATING BREAKFAST?
CC: I'm making some coff--
Mom: IS THAT WHAT YOU'RE WEARING ON THE PLANE? DON'T YOU KNOW HOW COLD IT WILL BE IN CHICAGO AND NEW YORK? NEW YORK AND CHICAGO ARE VERY COLD! MAYBE YOU SHOULD PACK A SWEATER!
CC: I have a fleece and a cashmere sc--
Mom: I FRIED TWO EGGS FOR YOU. IS THAT YOUR SUITCASE? IT'S SO SMALL! DO YOU HAVE ROOM FOR ANOTHER SWEATER? HOW COME YOUR SUITCASE IS SO SMALL?
CC: I--
Mom: WHY AREN'T YOU WEARING A COAT? DO YOU NEED GLOVES? DO YOU HAVE YOUR AIRPLANE TICKET?
CC: My coat's right there. I'm insi--
Mom: IS THAT COAT GOING TO BE WARM ENOUGH? LET ME TRY IT ON.
CC: ...
Mom: OH, IT'S VERY WARM. GOOD! WHERE DID YOU BUY THIS COAT? DID YOU PACK SOCKS? YOU'RE NOT WEARING JEANS TO YOUR MEETING, RIGHT? DID YOU PACK OTHER CLOTHES FOR YOUR MEETING.
CC: ...
Dad: I put the bags in the car.
Mom, as CC is driving away: DO YOU HAVE MONEY FOR THE TAXI IN NEW YORK?
* I stole the idea for short plays from Tara Ariano, a totally awesome blogger whom you should Google. You can also see her work at www.sling.com/blog.
I Am Not Good at This
I've always thought the best job in the world would be "author" or "writer." Guess what? I don't have the discipline to do it, as is very clearly evinced by the big chunks of time that come between blog posts here. (Still, how awesome would it be to write stuff and make money doing it? I would never have to get out of my pjs, EVER. Ninety percent of my wardrobe could be pjs!)
To be fair, I write more regularly on FB (someone told me that someone else said that Facebook was my new blog), but I don't feel obligated to write as much there, and it's much more stream of consciousness. You can't even call it a stream -- it's more of a droplet of consciousness.
Anyway, to assuage some guilt, I'm going to repost some of the longer things I posted over there. For any crossover friends, sorry for the reruns!
To be fair, I write more regularly on FB (someone told me that someone else said that Facebook was my new blog), but I don't feel obligated to write as much there, and it's much more stream of consciousness. You can't even call it a stream -- it's more of a droplet of consciousness.
Anyway, to assuage some guilt, I'm going to repost some of the longer things I posted over there. For any crossover friends, sorry for the reruns!
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