If you read the comments to the Theory post below, you'll see that Lindy has asked me to post what I'm looking for in a guy. (She also said I need to git to her house for some meat on March 1, but I'll be in Austin, which you can confirm two posts down.)
The short, pithy answer is that I want someone who's smart, funny, can take care of himself, has whimsy in his heart, and is totally into me. I'm also shallow enough to say that I want someone who's not ugly; in fairness, beauty is completely in the eye of the beholder, and I've dated men that you wouldn't immediately think were handsome, but I totally did because they were smart and funny. So there.
My friend Melissa once described her husband as her best friend, the one person with whom she could safely drop all of her defenses in a way that she couldn't with her family or other friends. She was so matter of fact and sincere in the way that she said it, it brought tears to my eyes, which I hope she didn't notice because I have a tough chick reputation to maintain. It stayed with me because it was such a crisp and eloquent way of phrasing what we all want. It's the realistic, achievable part of trashy romances that keeps me going back for more cotton candy.
The poet Rainer Maria Rilke wrote that your true love will protect your solitude without intruding on it (I'm obviously paraphrasing). This appeals to the rageaholic in me who hates people. I don't think it would be all that healthy for me to be with someone who is as happy as I am to sit home on a Friday night in her pjs, watching old episodes of Bones and House, blogging away, but I do want to be with someone who understands and respects that, despite how social and extroverted as I am, I need time away from the world to recharge my batteries.
I've noticed a lot with my friends' husbands and wives that there's some spectacular complementing happening. I had dinner in DC with my friends Shana and Brian, and Brian's wife Teresa. Brian's a bigger banana than I am, he's a total dude, and it's completely visible when they're together how Teresa makes him fit for human consumption and makes him an even better person than he already is. Brian gives Teresa the courage to be the total rock star that she is, both at her salaried job and at the business that she's started. And they're totally amused by each other. Shana's completely mathphobic and a bit of a spendthrift (me, too). Her husband has a Ph.D. in some hard-core science and is a SERIOUS saver. They've had a lot of health drama in the first 6 months of their marriage, and they're each other's rock. When people tell me my standards are too high, I think of all my married friends, and I tell those people to pound sand.
I'll tell you what, though -- if you're the kind of guy who puts your smaller bag in the overhead compartment instead of under the seat in front of you on the airplane, stay away. That's a dealbreaker. You're a selfish jerk, and I don't care how long your legs are.
5 comments:
Love it! Don't settle - EVER. The one question that still remains unanswer, where must he be in the birth order... ;)
I agree with Melissa... don't settle! It's really great to hear from you. I love and miss your humorous rage and hope to keep up with you this way. I didn't see Corpus on your schedule, but there are not too many eligible bachelors here anyway, so that's OK.
you should get the march copy of the atlantic monthly, which i recently read cover-to-cover on a long, bo-ring flight. there's an article in it that explains why women should just settle for a decent guy and not hope for too much sizzle. the idea is that you've got to more-or-less love him but don't sit around waiting for perfect or some corny fabio deal. i'm not endorsing that view but it's an interesting article and the theory does have some truth to it.
I'm not looking for perfect or sizzle, but I don't think I'm asking too much in a relationship by asking to trust and be trusted, to support and be supported, and to laugh my a** off.
Atlantic Monthly can bite me.
the trust, be trusted, and a few giggles is fine. laugh your azz off maybe too much to ask but, cherie, this is why they make the comedy channel. if you want lots of fun and humor in your life, get a gay roomate not a straight boyfriend.
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