I got a nibble on Match:
From: Him
Date: June 26
#1 Airline Baggage- Here is my rule, if you have to have wheels on your luggage to carry it, you have too much stuff. [EDITOR'S NOTE: seriously? You've bothered to read my profile, so huge props to you, but that means you must know that I travel a lot for business, and you're being all judgmental about luggage with wheels? Not smart.]
#2 Five things- Are you counting smart and funny as separate items? [EDITOR'S NOTE: just as a reminder, in my profile I write that I'm looking for five things in a man: smart, funny, can take care of himself, has whimsy in his heart, and is totally into me. Use your fingers and count them out, dude. And in what universe are smart and funny equivalent? There are plenty of people who are smart and not at all funny, and there are people I think are funny, but they're not all that smart.]
#3 Infield fly rule- What is wrong with the infield fly rule. I think it has served us well for the last century. [EDITOR'S NOTE: valid question, but if you're a baseball fan, you know what the divide is over the infield fly rule. I appreciate your attempt to engage me here, but this is intellectually lazy.]
#4 National league- Look if the pitcher doesn't bat, he really isn't a baseball player, so you are correct there. Interleague play is also an abomination. What's next? Cheerleaders? Here's what you can do to promote your team: ball day, bat day, helmet day, and for the Chicago White Sox, midget batters and that's it. Enough with the the astroturf, indoor stadiums, and night games at Wrigley Field. And enough with the steroids. If you don't have enough self-respect to stay off the juice, you don't belong in the show. As far as I'm concerned, Barry Bond's home run total is -0-. Sorry, I'm getting carried away here, next subject. [EDITOR'S NOTE: there's a little too much edge in this, but I ignored it as me just being picky and crazy. Little did I know. I do have to say, though, that were it not for indoor stadiums, not a lot of baseball would get played in Seattle, and not a lot of people would go to the games in Seattle or Houston. Too rainy in Seattle, and too freaking hot in Houston. Retractable roofs RULE.]
#5 Hockey? I guess women have a thing for hockey players but I've never figured out why. [EDITOR'S NOTE: my liking hockey has nothing to do with the individual players. It has to do with the speed and the ethical and behavioral code. Interesting that he went straight for what he perceives to be the only reason a woman would be interested in a sport.]
OK, that's it, I'll shut up now.
If you liked Liar's Poker because of the business climate in the 1980's, you might like The Predator's Ball or Highly Confident. I'd stay away from Den of Thieves. I just remember reading in Highly Confident that Michael Milken used to get picked up from his house @ 4:00 AM to get to work before the trading desk in New York opened, and I remember thinking, "that guy really has the eye of the tiger." He also started investing money for people by taking 50% of the profits, but 100% of the losses, and I thought the guy had iron ones. [EDITOR'S NOTE: I guess you could say he had iron ones, but he also went to prison for breaking the law, so I think that all evens out. I'm appalled that he admires Milken, frankly.]
If you liked Liar's Poker because of the juvenile humor and absurdity perpetuated by the world's most powerful men, Masters of the Universe as Wolfe called them, and you like baseball, I'd read Ball Four, of course and The Bronx Zoo. [EDITOR'S NOTE: excellent book recommendations -- he put some thought into it.]
Ok, at this point, I'm willing to go read this guy's profile. And here's what I discovered: he lives 2 hours away from me, he is separated from his wife (separated, not yet divorced, divorce is apparently in process), and he's only looking for Asian women. That's strikes 1, 2, and 3, all in pretty short order.
I know I don't owe these guys anything, but this one, while kind of a jerk, actually read and responded to my profile. He deserved a response according to the code in Catherineland. Here's what I wrote:
From: Me
Date: July 7
#1 Airline baggage: I disagree. I don't care how much luggage it takes you to survive your business trip -- just don't put all of it and your jacket in the overhead compartment.
#2 Yes. I know a lot of people who are smart and not at all funny, and several funny people who aren't that smart.
#3 Infield fly rule: it overcomplicates the game. And really -- to avoid an "unfair" out? Whatever.
#4 I agree
#5 Hockey: the game is fast and fair. Women like hockey players because they strike us as having some Neanderthal-like tendencies. We don't like it most of the time, but during three periods of hockey, it's attractive.
Thanks for the book recommendations.
To be totally honest here, I have insurmountable concerns about the fact that you live in [city edited out], that you're not yet divorced, and that you're only looking for Asian women, but I appreciate you writing.
I think that was fairly reasonable and friendly. Apparently, what I think is incorrect, because here's the response that got him onto the blog:
From: Him
Date: July 8
Literatechick-
That is a pretty nice way of putting it, insurmountable. I like that. But, of course, you are right. I am separated and not divorced which is a pretty big deal. Also, you were probably in the 5th grade when I graduated from High School and you are a lot better looking that I. [EDITOR'S NOTE: grammar error and typo. Why, yes, I'm kind of a bitch. Thanks for asking. All by itself, this paragraph seems relatively friendly and accepting, but in reality, it's passive aggressive. The next paragraph is what led me to labeling this as passive aggressive and what made this e-mail string blog-worthy.]
If you ever need help with the "overly complicated" infield fly rule, let me know. I understand a lot of women have a problem with this. You just have to understand that the game of baseball was designed by men, for men, and they didn't really take into account having to explain things to a bunch of women back in those days. Today, women can watch baseball just like men, although most of them still throw like girls. [EDITOR'S NOTE: where to start? I didn't say I found the infield fly rule overly complicated. I said that it unnecessarily complicates the game. As someone who has an opinion on the infield fly rule, I probably don't really need help with it. I do appreciate that he thinks it's ok for women to watch baseball, although since we don't play in Major League Baseball, I'm not sure what difference it makes that girls throw like girls. Seriously -- does he think that being a little bitch like this is going to get me to write him back? You're trying to manipulate the wrong chick, buddy. Misogynistic much?]
One last thing. I am not just looking for Asian women. It's not like this is an exclusive thing. It's just the Seinfeld/Changstein effect. [EDITOR'S NOTE: I don't watch Seinfeld. I have no idea what he's talking about here. But in his profile, he has ONLY selected Asian in the races that he's interested in pursuing. So maybe he's not creepy, just dumb.]
[name edited out]
This guy makes me happy to be single!
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